And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sorry about my life...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
