Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
