Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You took a bar mat shot.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
