And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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