I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
