if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
