Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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