Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
