Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
