umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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