its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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