Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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