I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
