Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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