I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
