I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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