WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize
