Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
