I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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