I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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