I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
