I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
