Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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