Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
