For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
