Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
