I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
