The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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