so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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