Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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