If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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