Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
