I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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