Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
