How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
