next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
