he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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