You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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