OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
