Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
