my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
