I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
