and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
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I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done