I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"