1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.