I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
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Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"