I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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