I think I died a long time ago.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.