Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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