Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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