My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
