I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You are a genius and a whore.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
