i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
