apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
one might say we're banned from that church
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
