why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
