I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
