I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
