im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
