he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
