i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
