My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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