I can't watch pbs sober anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
