this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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