Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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