they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
