Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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