It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
