I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
