There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
