dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
