Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize