even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
