so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
