I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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