They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
