I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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