okay pat passed out under dana's car
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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