So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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