Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
